Proud Mary: The Interlude

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We never do anything nice and easy,”  -Tina Turner

This morning there was a tweet going around that kind of annoyed my spirit. Not necessarily because I disagreed with it, but mostly because of the way in which it was supported by the population at hand.

And the tweet goes:

The barrage of broke niggas responding to the tweet made it seem as if this woman was some rare prophet who seemed to “get it” like no other woman ever has in the history of all womankind. I smiled, a bit thrilled that men were pouring such kind words into a black woman. But I also cringed knowing it was because she was in support of their bullshit.

I mean, we all have our opinions. She has hers. I had that opinion too…about three broke niggas ago. However, because I serve a mighty mighty God, I have reached the point in my life where I’m not supporting your struggle. Do I understand it? Of course I do. But I’m going to understand it from over here while you make your way over there. Good luck though!

Why should a woman who isn’t struggling be expected to be with a man who is? Why is she considered unworthy because she knows she’s at a point in her life where she has access to men who don’t have financial situations that require an Xscape hook?

More importantly, why is a man who obviously has some very pressing issues he needs to attend to, worrying about chasing women? I’ll tell you why, since you asked. Men who are in the midst of “struggle” are the most insecure in their manhood. When a man is insecure in his manhood, do you know what he does? He seeks out things that make him feel like he’s still a man. What makes a man feel like a man more than most things? Being desired by women. So now he’s broke, we’re struggling AND he’s out here chasing attention from other women to make himself feel good? Yeah…I’ll pass.

We’ve all seen it play out time and time again. I have said this so many times that I want to get it tattooed in a sensual area of my body: 🗣 Black people seem to have this weird idea that love isn’t real if it hasn’t somehow fought through the fires of struggle and peril. Why can’t we do anything nice and easy?

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World Getting Warmer, People Getting Colder

There are just a few days left in 2016 and here I am sitting on the side of my bed working out an active plan to change some things about myself. This could seem like a normal thing. Lots of people work on themselves while heading into the new year, right? Usually we want to lose weight, change our look or maybe even learn a few new things. But this morning I am sitting here trying to figure out how to change some of the things that I always considered to be some of my best characteristics.

It is kind of aggravating that it took me a few years into my 30s to figure out that you ultimately attract the opposite of what you project. You hear it all the time. Opposites attract. I just always thought that it was some cliché term that people used to brush off the fact that they were linking up with folks whom they shouldn’t. But, unfortunately, it’s a real thing. 

Imagine my dismay when I discovered that being a giving person attracts people who want to take from you. That being compassionate attracts people who are seeking a lot of compassion. That being a sugar daddy…attracts gold diggers. It was right in my face! 

The good in me wants to believe that people can have balance. 

The logical voice in my head reminds me that I, a giver, have struggled my whole life with learning how to receive. 

So I’m going to put my idealism to the side and take people for who they are. I am going to accept the fact that people are going to be drawn to what I have to offer based on what they need. I am going to make a conscious effort to project in a way that benefits me from here on out.

One thing I have always prided myself on is the fact that I am wholeheartedly and genuinely me. I don’t try to be something that I am not. I do not change myself to fit in. I am just me; mostly because it’s easy. Being anything other than who I am requires quite a bit of effort. But whatever. I am going to give being phony a try. It seems to be working for the rest of the world. Let’s see what it gets me. I guess Harvey Dent was right. “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”

But He Comes Home At Night

Preface: We found this today sitting in the drafts. Maybe it’ll help someone, maybe it won’t. Consider it an unpublished throwback.

Today I heard a woman say that she told her husband’s mistress that “It isn’t where he spends his time, it’s where he lays his head.” I’m still confused. I lay my head where I have to…but I do most of my fun shit away from home. Is coming home really enough? When did we get to the point where we’re having arguments about whether or not our husbands value us more than the women we’re sharing him with?  As a mother, It’s becoming a little disheartening to know that women are succumbing to this type of behavior. When did we learn to settle just to have someone who we can say “comes home at night”? I never thought I’d say this, but in 2014 the wife is not winning. A majority of women believe that as long as you obtain the title of being wife, you’ve won. Obviously my idea of winning isn’t the same as yours.

With shows like Power and everyday proclamations from women on social networks, I’m beginning to think that the wife is definitely the loser. The only person who doesn’t seem to know this is the wife…and die-hard aspiring wives. From what I can tell, your competition is having the fun. Let’s see…  Continue reading But He Comes Home At Night

I Don’t, And Neither Should You

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When, as a society, did we get to the point where we decided that we should dictate the lives of others according to how we see fit? I clearly remember a time when you didn’t like something you just didn’t like it. You didn’t celebrate it, support it or give it energy. Now when someone doesn’t like something, they’re not only extremely vocal about not liking it, but they go out of their way to make sure that others are unable to celebrate it either.

With the recent step that a certain city took to abolish Columbus Day, I realized that popular public opinion has become way more powerful than it has ever been. Don’t be mistaken, I am not a fan nor celebrator of this particular holiday. However, I can’t help but to think that there is some strange old lady and her strange family that dresses up every Columbus Day and reenacts the “founding” of our great country. Then they pile up in their pickup truck and partake of the many sales at the local mall. It makes me wonder what made the dissatisfaction and disbelief of one group of people more important than the satisfaction and belief of another group of people? More importantly, what will you do when one day there’s a group of citizens who decide that celebrating New Year’s Day/Easter/Christmas/Rosh Hashanah/[Insert your holiday here] is a pagan practice that should no longer be nationally acknowledged? Will you go with the flow? Will you support the decision?

It’s easy to blink and turn your head when it’s an issue that most of us agree upon, such as Columbus Day. But what will happen when one day the issue is one that you do not agree with? When you are no longer the majority and it’s your beliefs that are being challenged. Will it seem unfair then? That slope is mighty slippery.

You know how they say that an injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere? Yeah…

Arcade Tokens

This week I had a male friend tell me that he was interested in dating me. After I regained my composure from the compulsive laughter, I came to realize that he was serious. Why would this man, who I have watched do unbelievable things to his girlfriends, think that I would be stupid enough to date him? Then it hit me; because women usually tend to think that they are “different.” Fortunately, I am not one of those women. I am fully aware that there are a million me’s in the world. In fact, the only thing that probably makes me “different” is the fact that I am aware of this. Now, I could be downplaying my greatness and doing myself a disservice, but it has worked for me thus far. I’m sure I have saved myself from a whole lot of strife and bad dealings by thinking this way. I’m not sure how women can sit around and watch a man do other women wrong then think that when it’s their turn, things will somehow be different. That has to be the definition of crazy.  Continue reading Arcade Tokens

You’re Pointing That Mirror In The Wrong Direction

Donald Sterling said WHAT?!?!! ::Insert fake hypotritical outrage!::

Donald Sterling is racist. There is no denying or justifying that. The thing that seems to set me apart from my peers on this issue is that I don’t feel it needs to be justified. I believe that Sterling, just like every other American, has the right to his own beliefs and practices. The thing I’ve noticed in 2014 is that people spend a whole lot of time telling others what they should do with their lives. They want to tell people how to live, how to speak and what words they can and can not use. You may be offended by this, but the strangest sense of entitlement came with civil and gay rights. African Americans and the gay community tend to be especially sensitive when it comes to issues concerning us. Yet, a black or gay person can say pretty much whatever comes to mind and expect to not be reprimanded (i.e. Paul Mooney and Perez Hilton). If we’re so against racism, where are we when Paul Mooney goes on his racist rants? Where are we when government officials very openly support practices that discriminate against Mexicans? Where are we when things are happening that DON’T affect us? I had a coworker tell me that she can be upset about things that concern only black people because her grandchildren and great grandchildren will be black. Oh? Will they? And how will you feel when your great-great grandchild is half black half Mexican? Then your great great great grand child 3/4 Mexican and 1/4 black? Will you wish you stood up for the equality of others then? Continue reading You’re Pointing That Mirror In The Wrong Direction

Bothers Me When The Gods Get ‘Ta Acting Like The Broads…

ANTM Judges PanelI know that preference is preference. So take this post with a grain of salt if you choose to do so.

Lately, I’ve noticed that more and more men are becoming boisterously vocal with their opinions on a woman’s clothing, makeup and hair choices. I’m all about preference, but when did men become so concerned about things that don’t necessarily pertain to them? Why are you always referencing a “maxi” dress? Why do you really care if a woman’s hair is “natural”? (Especially since you wouldn’t giver her the time of day if she started rocking that Steve Harvey bush that may or may not be festering under that weave.) Why are you concerning yourself with her makeup practices? Are you unaware of how suspect you sound when professing that you “can date a woman who wears tinted moisturizer and eyeliner” vs. one who wears a face full of foundation? You’re actually out here turning down beautiful, accomplished women…because you don’t like their hair? Come on sir. Continue reading Bothers Me When The Gods Get ‘Ta Acting Like The Broads…

We're not drunk…We're crazy